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Zombie-hunting SWM seeks kick-ass partner m4w SWM (5’lb, very normal) seeks SF (HWP, nice breasts, horny) who enjoys zoo keeping, red wine, and serious preparation for zombie invasions. Bonus points for owning a sword. Oh, and I’m totally open to alternative types of edged weapons, but maces are right out. While I’m at it, you’d best like sex, too. Lots, and frequently, and PDQ.

Must hold liberal political views, while still supporting gun ownership, hunting and private land rights. No, I take that back. I really don’t care what your political views are. We may talk about them, and if you’re into debate I’ll play. If you’re vociferous about your views, though, you’d best share my views or be pretty damn good looking. Nice breasts and a penchant to keep them uncovered go a long way in diplomacy. (If only the Israelis and Palestinians would discover this simple truth.)

No racists, homophobes, or fundamentalists. No Jehova’s Witnesses or Mormons. Unless you’re hot. Then, it’s potentially waiverable.

Also okay with your being a survivalist, so long as you want a bomb shelter in lieu of a zombie shelter. If you still have stockpiles from Y2K, we should talk. Potentially have lots of crazy monkey-sex, but definitely talk.

Must love dogs and be approved by dogs. I take a lot of stock in what animals think. For example, they hate tornadoes. Tornadoes are bad. If they dislike you like they dislike severe weather, we’re only going to be together for a few hours, and then you’ll be on your way. Must be able to be available nights in case the zombie invasion begins.

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