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I'm Lord Melancthon Smooth, master of wizardry. I defeated the dread lords of Nova'n with only five spells and they were all cantrips. Though I'm more interested in defeating your inhibitions, girl.
When I take you out for dinner, we don't go to the Burger King because frankly that shit is expensive for wizards. No babe, I'm gonna take you out and get you a salad hand picked by secret gnome chefs that accept payments in things that could have been.
When we get talking were going to go deeper, visiting each other in the astral planes babe. We'll show each other our true selves and the world will weep at our beauty. Just don't go into the door with the silver handle because seriously that is some fucked up shit in there, girl.
After that I'm gonna take you back the Renaissance so we can meet Michelangelo and he can a statue of you. Though I mean when I say we can't really leave the time safety bubble and whatever he makes we have to destroy or else it would irrevocably destroy the time stream.
And then when the night is over, we can come back to my place. I'll show you my really really nice candles, the ones I only get out for special women or if I need to summon a high level demon, babe.
And then we'll settle into bed and you can talk about your day. We can chat until we fall asleep and I'm not going to have sex on the first date babe because I ended up becoming a eunuch to gain magical powers, girl
So if you want to hit me up, do that shit and it will be a magical night.

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But yeah if you want to go out and hang with a guy who made you laugh and wrote this piece jokingly send me an email telling me a bit about yourself and put something like "Wizard Dating Ad" in the subject line. I am looking for short term stuff right now, more of a friendship than a relationship.
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